The jokes about wine at playdates are funny (and true). I often joke that I’d throw myself in front of a moving train for my children, but if I have to tell them one more time to put their lunch boxes on the counter after school, I might sell them to gypsies. These types of jokes are funny but being a mom is hard. It’s really tough. It can feel lonely, isolating, and like you’re not doing anything right. The number of “opinions” and “information” about motherhood and parenting styles has become outright ridiculous. Don’t let anyone try to tell you how to be a good mom. Trust yourself.
I’m happy to see women starting to admit that motherhood is not all rainbows and sunshine. It’s sitting on the couch in tears looking at the clock knowing you have four more hours of demands, feedings, diaper changing, food making, and driving to sports practice oftentimes with little help, because your husband works until 9 p.m. and he’s financially supporting your family, so you don’t want to bother him. It’s putting every family member’s happiness first while forgetting about your own.
When I was a young mother, I was trying to be everything to everybody. I felt like I was falling short of what I needed to be and even found myself wondering, “Am I a bad mom?” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to relax a little more and not stress so much. I now embrace both my good parenting qualities and my not-so-good qualities, and I know I’m doing my very best. We are all great mothers and developing parenting skills in our own way.
I’m the mom that drops her Starbucks and an F-bomb in the parking lot at the baseball game loud enough for everyone within a mile radius to hear. I’m the mom that has forgotten to pick up the kids at school. I’m the mom that, instead of feeling guilty about not bringing my kids on vacation, can happily relax on my own. I don’t do anything “Pinterest-worthy” and I am not going to try and tell you how to be a good mom to your kids, because only you know how to do that.
I’m also the mom that is front and center at my daughter’s cheer competitions after curling weaves all night and doing cheer makeup all morning. I’m the mom that lets you lather your body in shaving cream and laughs with you and at you. I’ll let you explore a big city with your friends to instill a sense of independence. I’m the mom whose kids know I will be there when it really counts.
A few years ago, I finally got to a place where I could accept and embrace my parenting style and the type of mother that I am. I don’t fit into any mold and I’m OK with that. Don’t get me wrong, that “mom guilt” still pops up once in a while, but I’ve become better at quieting that negativity. Motherhood is hard enough. Stop putting expectations on yourself about what you think motherhood is supposed to be or look like. Be your own best version of Mom.
