2021 is here! Some of you might be excited for all that lies ahead in the new year and others might be feeling like it’s just 2020 Part Two. Regardless of which camp you’re in, I think it’s safe to say that most of us want some type of change or have set a goal for this new year.
What are you willing to do to make that change or hit that goal? Do you think it’ll be easy? I assure you, it won’t be. Making changes that actually last, or hitting a challenging goal is hard work. It really comes down to what YOU are willing to do to make those changes and goals a reality.
Habits and discipline are the keys to making long lasting changes and hitting goals. This applies to your health and wellness, your relationships, your job and even parenting. How many times have you made a “chore chart” only to let it collect dust after a couple of weeks? I know I have. I didn’t develop the habits long enough to get the discipline out of my children that I wanted.
One avenue in habits and discipline that I’ve mastered is health and wellness. I’ve worked out and eaten well regularly for most of my adult life. When workouts are scheduled, I go. I make them the priority.
How? I’ve formed habits so I’m less reliant on willpower and how I feel that day. I get up early when I’m in PA and Rob and I hit the gym by 6am. No excuses. Yes, sometimes, I’m tired, slightly hungover from the weekend or just straight up don’t want to go, but I do. That’s how habits lead to discipline. Doing the same thing again and again even when you “don’t feel like it.” because it’s simply what you always do. It’s a part of your identity.
Motivation is a lie. Discipline is the truth.
Sometimes I say “no” to a night out because I know I won’t eat well or will have one too many cocktails. Sometimes I go out and mentally set the “rules” ahead of time. “I’m only going to eat protein and veggies.” The more I practice these habits, the more disciplined I get with what I eat. It takes time and effort to make those habits stick, but once they do it leads to discipline, which creates results.
Self-awarenss is the key to creating habits and discipline that’ll lead to permanent changes and meeting your goals.
You need to get really real with yourself. Are you blaming your kids, spouse or work schedule for your shortcomings? Nonsense. It’s on you. It always is. Take responsibility for your own life and stop blaming others.
If your kids take up so much of your day that you can’t even squeeze in a 45-minute workout, you’re over parenting them. You’re not doing yourself or them any good either. Kids need to learn that you’re not accessible to them every hour of every day.
Your children will grow up and need to function in the real world. And the real world doesn’t revolve around them. The sooner they learn this invaluable lesson the better, especially in today’s world where excuses and “passing the buck” have become the norm.
Your kids will thank you later because they’ll be leaps and bounds ahead of all their peers — products of helicopter parenting. They’ll have a real edge in their adult lives. Isn’t that what you want to give them? The best head start in their adult lives? I think empowering them to practice independence is just as much a part of our parenting as loving them is.
If your spouse isn’t helping with the kids enough, that’s on you. Why are you married to someone that isn’t willing to help you reach your goals by sharing the responsibilities of parenting? Why have you made this ok in your marriage? You teach people how to treat you. You’ve taught your spouse that your needs aren’t as important as theirs. Time to change that or leave that.
I’m not advocating for divorce but parenting is a two-person job when you’re married. One person does not carry the entire load of raising children. If your spouse’s completely unwilling to help with the responsibilities of parenthood, why are you married?
I’ll be honest, I was a stay-at-home mom for 15 years and then decided to start this blog. But I kept up the workload of a SAHM! Finally, I’d reached the point where I’d had enough of essentially being a single parent while also working myself. I think I’ve told this story before but it was a Sunday afternoon and I’d been to the grocery store, cleaned up the house and made everyone homemade chicken noodle soup. Then I started doing a mountain of laundry while every single person in my family was laying on the couch enjoying Sunday football. I lost it. I was over feeling like I was the only one pulling my weight when it came to household chores and the responsibility of the kids. I wanted to lay on the couch once in a while too!
I firmly declared then and there that if I didn’t get some help from the other adult in the house (my husband, Rob) I was going to leave, get a smaller house and at least have every other weekend to lay on the couch. I was serious. In hindsight, it was my fault for letting things go on that way as long as I did. Spoiler alert: things have changed. I have a whole marriage series coming in February that goes into more detail about this.
You’ll succeed more often at meeting goals and making changes at work when you start being more self aware and laying less blame on “John” or “Sarah.”
You can’t control “John” or “Sarah.” You can only control what you do, how you react and how hard you work.
Pick up the slack where “John” and “Sarah” fall short. As a business owner, I promise you, it doesn’t go unnoticed. The “Johns” and “Sarahs” of the company you work for will be long gone (especially in this business climate) and you’ll not only be left standing but shining (and get a raise).
We might all have different goals and different changes we want to make this year, but one thing stays the same: it’s on you to hit those goals and make those changes. It all starts with taking personal responsibility and accountability for them. The success or failure of your goals ails squarely on your shoulders.
And guess what? No matter what you do, you still might fail. Does that make you a failure? Absolutely not. I’ll never forget hearing Brandon Dawson speak at Growth Con last year in Vegas. He is a wildly successful man that’s hit rock bottom to only rise to the top again. He said “You only fail, if you quit.” So if you fail, start over again and again and again if you need to. As long as you don’t quit, you’ll never fail.
