I am part of several “girl” groups on Facebook. We talk about “girl” stuff; plastic surgery, husbands, skincare, makeup, friendships, boyfriends and hair removal (you get the point). There seems to be an underlying theme in every question about boyfriends, “situationships” and dating. It goes something like this, “I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months. I’m really into him. He tells me he really likes me and wants to see where things go but he a) didn’t return my texts until Sunday afternoon when I texted him Friday after work, b) wouldn’t drive 30 miles to see me or c) the guy says he likes me but doesn’t want a relationship, and he doesn’t want me dating anyone else…of course.
Ladies, we need to talk. In every single one of those scenarios there’s one reason, and one reason only, that he is acting that way toward you. It’s an oldie but a goodie. He’s just not that into you. This is the cold, hard truth.
Accepting signs that he’s not into you is always hard, but it doesn’t mean you are not worthy of him. He’s just not the guy. I know, I know. You see all his potential; he could be the guy (one day). But, he’s not the one right now and might not ever be. You should base all current dating decisions on who that guy is today, not who he might be in a week, a month or a year down the road. As wonderful as a man might be at times, these red flags that he’s not the one, sadly, are real.
You know what that does mean though? It means you’re wasting your time. That means you’re probably turning down dates with other guys that would recognize what an amazing, beautiful, smart and worthy woman you are. You could quite literally be saying no to a wonderful man because you’re hanging on for an “eh” man.
Take it from your older and wiser girlfriend behind the keyboard. When a man wants you, you’ll know. I was in an on-again off-again relationship right before I met my husband. I waited at home by the phone, (mind you, this was before cell phones,) I went out when I didn’t want to, hoping I’d bump into him by chance. And I would listen to him make excuses about a past relationship that he couldn’t quite end.
One day I had enough. I promised myself I was done, and I was. It was tough. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t, but it was so worth it. I got busy working, taking care of Lex and going to college. I worked out, went out with friends and kept myself busy. Something happened in those couple of months. I learned that I deserved better than the scraps I was being offered. I became a stronger person, one that wasn’t willing to settle, one that was actually perfectly fine without him in my life.
I met Rob one night shortly after. He was THE guy from the very first time I met him. He told me I was pretty all the time. He didn’t care that I was a broke, single mom in college. He always called when he said he would. I met his family right away. I was his girlfriend from the beginning because he couldn’t stand the thought of me being with anyone else. He once drove four hours each way to the beach after work to see me for less than 24 hours. I never had to ask myself “Am I wasting my time with this guy?” or wondered “Does he like me?” He simply wasn’t going to let me question his intentions; he wanted to make them clear and known.
When a guy is into you, you won’t have to ask a group board for signs he likes you. If you’re uncertain or feel the need to show your friends his cryptic text messages for them to decipher, he’s not the guy. You will know because he will make it known. He will make plans with you early in the week for the weekend. He will call and text you regularly. When he is in fact busy with work or family, he will let you know, he won’t just ignore you. Everyone has ten seconds to say, “Super busy, let’s chat after work/family function/whatever.” The reason he’ll do those things is because he’s invested. He cares that you’d be upset if he didn’t.
Ladies, if you think this applies to a relationship you’re currently in, get out. Make room for the guy that is THE guy. You won’t find him if you’re too busy playing part-time girlfriend to someone that may never see your glow. You are worthy of a man that makes you feel amazing. Most men will quite literally do almost anything to be with a woman they are seriously interested in.
This Professor from Spelman University says it perfectly
