Life Lessons From my Gram

Aging is inevitable. We’re all brought into this world as tiny little babies and if we’re lucky enough, we live long lives that end with being “old.” This is the circle of life. There’s no controlling it, and there is no denying it. We’re all mortal beings. 

Some people are terrified of aging as they get older. I’ve learned to embrace it. 

It’s made me appreciate the very short time we have in this world. It’s helped me to appreciate the small moments, share hugs longer and tell my friends and family I love them more often. 

I’ve always been kindred spirits with older people. I’ve always found their stories of growing up in a completely different era intriguing, nostalgic and so worthy of being shared. 

Getting to know my grandmother

I remember my grandmother telling me about going to dance halls when my pap was away in World War II. Her mother-in-law, my pap’s mom, would babysit my then-toddler aunt so my gram could go whoop it up with the girls. She was my spirit animal; I definitely got my wild side from her. (So did my dad — I come from a long line of “trouble makers”). 

My grandmother passed away many years ago. I still really miss her. I’m getting teary-eyed just writing this. I still think of her every time we turn the clocks because she would call me 17 times to remind me to “spring forward” or “fall back.” We lovingly called her “the clock peddler” or “Big Ben.” 

When she passed away, I had a 13, 3 and 2 year old. Rob was working long, late hours at the dealership 6 days a week. I didn’t get to see her as often as I wish I could have. I still have regrets to this day that I didn’t make more time for her. 

Even though she passed I take her memories and lessons with me

I’ll never forget the last time I saw her. She was in the hospital, and doctors never really actually figured out what was wrong with her. Laying there has was almost childlike in the hospital bed. She was slightly disoriented and very frail looking. I held her hand and helped her to the restroom and I told her I loved her. I remember her telling me she was tired and ready to go and I cried because I knew what she meant. I kissed her on the forehead when I left. It was the last time I’d see her; she passed a few days later. 

My grandmother was a huge influence on my life. My pap (her husband) passed away very young, when I was only in 2nd grade. After he passed, my gram’s life revolved around her grandkids and I reaped the benefits of having a grandmother that taught me so many life lessons — lessons I’ve taken with me throughout my 43 years. 

Life Lessons from Gram

• Women can do anything. My gram wasn’t college educated but she managed to work her way up the corporate ladder at Blue Cross into management. She worked there until she was well into her 70’s. She loved it. It kept her busy and sharp as a tack. She had all her wits about her till her final few days. 
• Unconditional love. I could do no wrong in her eyes. If I complained about my dad punishing me she always took my side. She really was my rock and the person I could always turn to when I needed to feel loved, no matter what I’d done. 
• Dance like there’s no tomorrow. She LOVED to dance. When Rob and I got married she was in her 80’s and blind (from macular degeneration) but it didn’t stop her from staying on the dance floor all night long. I think it always reminded her of her youth and those dance hall days.

• Take care of your health. My gram did Tai Chi into her 80’s. She even did aerobics in her bedroom with her Walkman on and she loved to go on walks. She really valued taking care of her health. 
• Always dress to impress. My gram was always looking sharp. Even after she couldn’t see any longer she was proud of the way she dressed and loved when she got new clothes. She was a proud woman and taught me to value how you present yourself to the world. 
• Family is everything. Her favorite song was “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge. We danced to it at my wedding and we played it at her funeral. She instilled that ride or die mentality into me when it came to family, or friends that are like family. 
• Babies are always a blessing. When I got pregnant at 18 I had to go and tell my gram. After she got over wanting to fight my oldest daughter’s father (she was a feisty one) she was overcome with joy about the thought of being a great grandmother. Of course she didn’t scold me or yell at me because I was perfect in her eyes. She got to meet 4 other great grand babies before she passed. Those moments when she cried holding my sister’s and my little ones are unforgettable. 

• Sometimes drinking in the middle of the day is ok. Funny story. I went to visit her one Sunday afternoon and she’d started her Sunday Funday quite early with blackberry brandy. I tucked her into bed and kissed her goodbye after we laughed at the circumstances and spent a couple of hours laughing and reminiscing about all the great (and funny) times we’d shared. 
• Make the memories. Gram took me, my sister and my cousin to Ocean City, Maryland every summer when we were kids. When we visited her on the weekends in the year prior to the trip, she’d give us each $10 or so to put in our “savings jar” for the beach. We’d have a couple hundred dollars to blow on anything we wanted on the boardwalk. My parents loved when my sister and I came home with cropped “shingle shirts,” Indian spears and multiple pairs of sunglasses. All because gram let us recklessly buy whatever we wanted. She literally lived to see our faces light up. We were her world. 
• Laugh often even at your own expense. Gram drove around in this little 5 speed Jetta and she’d ask my sister and I “What kind of car does Grammy drive?” And we’d yell “a Jettttaaaa” and we’d laugh and carry on. This went on for years until my sister and I probably got too cool to respond. I’m sure she didn’t care though. She just loved being with us. 

One other quick story about the lesson to laugh more. One day, my parents were driving us to our gram’s house, and my sister started yelling and pointing out the window saying “Gram takes us there all the time!” My parents looked over, thinking it was an ice cream parlor or similar. “There?” They pointed. It was the liquor store…..I told you my gram liked to have a good time! We still laugh all the time at that story….

Aging isn’t an option but how you age is. Make memories, laugh as often as you can, love your friends and family fearlessly and unconditionally. You get one life to leave your mark in this world. Make sure it counts.