The way you’re raised plays a huge role in how you look at money, work and the value of each. I was raised by parents that grew up with nothing who changed that in one generation with lots of hard work. They ingrained a quote in me from as far back as I can remember. I was raised to believe that my parents would give me “a hand up but not a handout.” Just like Rob, I have had opportunities that I am very grateful for, but nothing was given without hard work needing to be done first.
In last week’s post, The Story of Bob Ruth Ford | Business During the Coronavirus, I shared how my husband’s dad grew up and how that impacted their family approach to money, as well as how it defined what a good work ethic is for my husband. My parents’ background wasn’t much different than his.
Both of my parents grew up very poor. My dad once told me that when he was a little boy he lived in a one-room (not one bedroom, one room) efficiency with my grandparents and my aunt. He delivered newspapers before school on his bike to make extra money for his family when he was only eight years old. My mom wasn’t much different. She and my aunt vividly remember sleeping under newspapers in the winter, their father telling them, “if it keeps the bums warm, it’ll keep you warm too.” They were in no way spoiled children.
My parents, Frank and Cindy, met in Ocean City, Maryland in 1975. At the time, my dad was a special-education teacher and spent his summers working at a tackle shop/beer distributor. My mom was five years younger than my dad and was a gas station attendant. They met at a nightclub, got engaged six weeks later and got married eight months after that. They’re still married 44 years later. As a kid I saw the commitment it takes to stay (happily) married even when things aren’t so “happy”. Their relationship was a healthy marriage example to Rob and me when we hit a rough patch a few years ago.
I was born the following year. My mom stayed home with me while my dad taught at a local high school and coached football. To this day, my dad still talks about why he decided to leave teaching. “The year after you were born, I was handing out the beginning of the school year paperwork. I looked down at the paper that had the income levels of families that could receive free lunch and realized that if you were school-age, you’d be getting free lunch.” He quit after the football season ended with a mission; find a job that pays well.
My dad somehow stumbled into sales and started selling copiers. He traveled most days during the week. I spent most of my weekdays with my sister, who’s 16 months younger than me, and my mom. I saw my dad work hard, when I was younger. Early mornings and late nights were the norm for him. I know a lot of it was being driven by his desire to make sure my sister and I had a better life then my parents did growing up. My mom was a stay at home mom and my sister and I both had really great childhoods. My dad wasn’t always around but we felt and knew we were loved by him. He was a great example of what a hard working husband and dad does and the sacrifices they make for their family.
My dad was definitely the breadwinner, but my mom always played a really important role in my dad’s career. My dad was hardheaded and saw things as very black and white. My dad would come home from work and tell my mom a story and from time to time I’d hear her say “Now, hold on a minute Frank, you can’t do that.” She balanced out his hard business exterior with some emotional reasoning.
Today, this happens at my house all the time. Rob’s not the best communicator and he thinks you can somehow read his mind. I sometimes need to make him understand that unless he was clear about something, you can’t expect people to just “know.” Whether you’re a child or an adult, clear communication is an important part of building character.
That kind of balance worked for my mom and dad and it works for Rob and me, too. I like to joke that I’m the VP of Bob Ruth Ford and no one knows it. Rob’s always bouncing ideas, thoughts and the struggles of our family business off me. Meryll Frost once said, “Behind every successful man there’s a great woman.” I like to play on the words a bit because I firmly believe that any successful marriage, and especially one that involves a business (a family business at that), requires teamwork, and everyone has their roles, but equality must exist. “Beside every successful man there’s a great woman.”
My dad spent the next few years working for a couple different copier companies and then started his first business around the time I was 14. That business is still alive and well; it’s run by my brother-in-law today. My dad went from being a schoolteacher who lived right above the poverty level to owning, running and growing a successful business. Learning how to build a good work ethic was something that has always been in our family. My parents, just like my husband’s father Bob, were quintessential American dream examples.
When I was in high school, my mom decided she wanted to go back to work. She hadn’t worked since I was born. She had stayed home and supported my dad and his career for years. Sound familiar? She got into sales and was very successful. It was really cool to see my mom doing “her thing” after so many years at home with my sister and me.
I had the same type of dreams my mom did about wanting something “more” a couple years ago. My mom and I are a lot alike. We both treasured the time we had at home with our children, but at midlife, I realized I needed something else. She was firm in her stance and my dad didn’t love it. Again, sound familiar? But what she did years ago definitely played a role in me staying strong in my convictions to start this blog while my husband is running a business.
I remember at the beginning of my sophomore year at Bishop McDevitt High School, my dad took my sister and I to go sneaker shopping. We got our fresh new kicks at Foot Locker and my dad looked at us, saying “Make ‘em last ’til next fall.” When my dad said something he meant it, and it wasn’t questioned.
I turned 16 a month later and immediately started working at a hot dog stand in the mall because I wasn’t content with one pair of shoes for a year. I wanted more sneakers and I knew if I worked hard enough, I could buy them. This was after my dad took half my paycheck for “car insurance.” He gave it to me when I was in my 20s. He was trying to teach me the value of saving money and building character. Unfortunately, this is one lesson I didn’t fully latch on to. Thankfully Rob is better at this than I am, but my dad tried.
I was raised to believe that no job was “beneath me.” That’s probably why working at a hot dog stand would’ve been mortifying for some, but I didn’t really think about it as it was better than having no money. I was taught to respect everyone from all walks of life and that every person needs an income. Regardless of their “position” they should be respected for contributing to themselves, their families and their community, from the busboy to the CEO. Rob was taught this, too. His father loved going to diners, and I think a big part of that was because they were “everyday people.” Despite being a successful small-business owner, all workers were relatable to him. Rob and I still carry these values into our lives today.
Another great lesson I learned from my parents, particularly my dad, was to stand up for what you believe in. Fight for and stand up for the little guy, especially those that might not have a voice or may be afraid to speak out. If my sister or I saw someone being bullied or pushed around, he made it clear it was our duty to stand up for them.
I played softball when I was younger. When I was about 10, we were at a game and someone’s father from the other team called one of my teammates a very racially charged name. I could see my dad’s face getting red with anger. My dad has a temper (something else I may or may not have inherited from him). The first time he was gritting his teeth. The second time, not so much. He let the dad know in no uncertain terms that if he yelled it again, my dad was going to let him have it.
Being brought up with strong morals about people that are being bullied and to put value into people’s hard work is why I feel so passionately about what is going on today in the State of Pennsylvania. Being a small-business owner has brought the community of small-business owners together.
Many of my friends are sole proprietors and haven’t worked in a month, and the unemployment pay that has been promised to them is nonexistent. The application to enroll for unemployment isn’t even on Pennsylvania’s unemployment website. These are people with mortgages, children and bills. This is unacceptable. It is why I feel so strongly about business owners outside of Bob Ruth Ford being able to operate their businesses using safe practices during the coronavirus. Everyone needs to be able to put food on the table.
Sometimes we need to take a stand. It’s not always going to be politically correct, and your own friends might not support you, but staying true to your beliefs and standing up for what you think is right is never wrong. Even when you don’t agree with me, at least you stand for something. Too many people have gotten wrapped up in the “PC” of everything and have forgotten what they actually believe and end up standing up for nothing.
We haven’t forgotten where we came from. It would be impossible. I was once a 21-year-old with a three-year-old kid, driving around in an old Jetta that had no air conditioning, a muffler that was hanging on for dear life, no in-car radio (my old boom box came in handy) and working as a waitress to finish college after I’d dropped out the year before. I remember the struggle and I knew, and still know, people that had or have it much harder than I ever did. It’s not lost on me just because now I live in a nice home and drive a fancy SUV.
With the coronavirus pandemic and shut down of the economy in 2020, Rob and I have found ourselves in a position where we’ve had to fight for our right to sell cars. Most people assume it’s because we want to continue to stay in fancy hotels, drive our nice cars, and continue to live the lifestyle to which we’ve become accustomed. Would we like to continue to do those things? Of course, and anyone that tells you different isn’t being authentic. But it’s not the driving force behind our campaign. It’s to get our people back to work.
We have employees that work in our reconditioning, sales, service, parts, office and finance departments who have trusted and depended on us to lead them to a better life. We have and could continue to significantly cut back on our spending and ride this out for several months. Rob and Kelly would be ok long term. But we’re so vocal and working so hard to allow people to get back to work because our employees matter to us. We want them to keep what they’ve worked their entire adult lives for. We want to see them get back to work so they can continue to grow toward their goals for themselves and their families. This isn’t really about us. It’s about the people that have helped us get to where we are today. Bob Ruth Ford doesn’t exist without the people who helped build it.
Rob and I have carried all these morals and family values with us throughout our early lives, our marriage and now as business owners. I look forward to sharing next week how we’ve used those lessons in 2020 with a more adaptive thought process to build the business we have today. Here’s a hint: Rob has been trying to shed the old school perception of the car business; you know, the sleazy car sales guy that only cares about the sale and nothing else. He’s made huge strides in how we do business as a car dealer. While we firmly believe in the values we were taught as kids, we also believe that to be successful in today’s day and age you have to learn, adapt and grow with the times. Now, in the midst of a major economic and social change, we’re tested to live by this philosophy more than ever before.
